Problem Solving

Psychotherapy. What the heck is that? I don't even know. I've looked it up and it's complex and has all these big words and terms and phrases and just way too much information to comprehend. I found myself having to look up every term and then looking up the terms to describe that term.

So since I'm not formally trained to be a therapist or anything, I'll skip the bullshit and just talk about what I've been told. Even now I can't remember everything.

I'll go in the order of which things have been introduced to me:

1. Meditation. The first day of therapy I was told to meditate. I thought, what? I don't do that stuff and I don't even really take it seriously. I'm not Buddhist and I don't like sitting still. Even to this day I still can't get a hold of it and my therapist is getting upset with me. It's a habit you have to make for yourself. She told me to start out by just sitting down in a room on my own. Turn off the lights if you have to to help yourself focus. Close your eyes. For the first few times you do it, just count down from 100. Do that a few times and once you can connect a calm feeling to meditation, then go to a higher number, like 150. Eventually, when you are comfortable with meditation, start listening to guided meditations on youtube. There are a TON and they're all different, so you have to spend some time to find that type that's right for you.
2. Taking a Breath. This is the simplest one. As soon as you feel strong feelings coming on, no matter what they are, stop and take a deep breath. Just one could change the situation completely. It gives you a short break in your thinking.
3. Processing. This something you actually do during an appointment with a therapist. Mine gives me buzzy things to hold that sort of ground me and make me focus better on my thoughts. She asks me questions and gives me a minute or so to think (or process) about it. I'll tell her all my thoughts having to do with that, and she'll come up with another question. The questions are all about your personal experiences that have bothered you and affected you deeply. With this, you have to be open to speaking about these things to your therapist.
4. Five Senses. If meditation isn't working well for you (like me), there's something else you can do! Make a list (actually write this down) of the five senses. Taste, touch, smell, sight, sound. Next to each of those things, write your favorite things. Mine is,
1. Taste: Shrimp
2. Touch: My cat
3. Smell: Vanilla lotion
4. Sight: Artwork
5. Sound: Rain

          Now that you have your list, try to compile these things together, or at least as much as you
          can. This is for when your mind is racing for whatever reason, and you want/need to calm
          down. Start at the top of the list, and give it three minutes. If that sense doesn't help you, move
          on to the next. Speeding through them won't help you.

Now, I know how hard it can be to even think rationally when you're having a "crisis", let alone think of these things. I can't even say myself that any of these I use habitually (except for Processing), but it takes time to learn things. And it's even more difficult when you're crying and screaming and in a fit of rage and hitting everything in sight (along with yourself) and hating everything about you and your life.

I'll post new things that are introduced to me as I continue therapy.