Self Harming

I want to put a disclaimer before this post. I am NOT stating this information in support of self harming. It is a HORRIBLE habit and is NOT something that should be glorified or popularized or accepted. Also, it is not something to be taken lightly. If you self harm, please talk to someone that is qualified to help you. If you are not comfortable or are unable to, you can speak with me at mdramer@hotmail.com. In this life the only sure person that you can trust is yourself, and when you turn on even yourself there is something wrong.

Also, this post will not contain methods on getting the "tools" necessary for self harming.



The first time I self harmed was in sixth grade. I purposely cut myself in the shower. It hurts like hell and felt way too weird and unnatural. I had tried it because that was when the whole "emo" thing was exploding. Teen angst and depression and everything was what was considered cool. I wasn't trying to be emo, I was taking everyone super serious and thought cutting was a solution to my depression. So I did it, and I hated it.

The next day at school someone was making fun of people who cut and was calling them all weak. I showed him my cut and he said I was "insane and crazy" and said "no one actually does that". That was super surprising.

I didn't tell anyone I cut again until this year, so that's at least like six years of keeping it secret. I didn't do it constantly, it was just during the down parts in my life.

Recently I also started strangling myself. It wasn't to get high or whatever the people are doing. It's just a way of making myself feel pain, and it sucks. It gives me a headache and it's not worth even trying once, let alone doing it over and over again. I'm pretty sure it kills all my brain cells and makes me stupid or something.

I also bruise myself. There are several methods I use and they all hurt like hell. And it leaves larger marks than cutting does. Technically I'm bleeding either way, so neither are good.

Self harming is NOT okay. I cannot stress this enough. I understand reasons why you/I/we/others do it but I cannot condone it. There are other things you can do to de-stress yourself. I probably sound very hypocritical, but I'm not here to just blindly blab about all these things and be of no help.

So here we go. This is like an exercise or something. Let's build up some habits.

Think of something you like to do, or are interested in, or want to do more of. For me, that's painting. So, instead of getting upset and trying to solve things by hurting myself, I should sit down with a paint brush and go crazy or something. For my therapist, she goes out for a jog. That's something I would like to try as well. Run as fast as you can and completely exhaust yourself, work out all your emotions. If running isn't an option, do something that will physically tire you. Then all you can think about is resting and not getting worked up. There's even some pain in there for you that's healthy!

There's something else I should say before ending this post. You do NOT have to tell anyone that you self harm. For the sake of your own esteem, it's probably best to keep it a secret. I told others and it made me feel like crap. It even does now. You will obviously be a better judge of what's good for you than I am, but speaking from personal experience, some things are best kept secrets.